good.

Thanksgiving week, my mom made the 9 hour journey from Wichita, KS to St. Paul, MN to spend the holiday with her 3 daughters, son in-law, and 3 grandsons.  It had been 18 months since I personally had seen my mom and it was good to able to hug her.  I still had to work that whole week since I didn’t know she was coming up until it was impossible to request the time off.

But we found a time Wednesday night before Thanksgiving to spend the evening eating juicy bacon cheese burgers and drinking house-made ginger ale and discuss everything about life.  We talked about the usual things you talk about when you catch up, but quickly our conversation led to relationships.  Over the past 2 years, my marriage had been struggling, my relationships with my sisters left something to be desired, and I barely got along with my husband’s family long enough to get through a meal without becoming physically exhausted.

But how things have changed in most aspects in the past year.

My marriage is steady and strong.  We’ve finally ready to come out of survival mode, and start thriving.  Instead of just trying to figure out how to get through the day after his mental break, we are able to plan for moving to a new home come summer and faintly discuss more babies in the next few years.

I had long ago learned that my parents are just people, with their own lives and needs.  That holding onto my expectations of what I thought they should be, would only hurt my heart.  Since letting those go, I have realized that I am not loved any less by them because I don’t speak or see them daily, and speaking with them every few weeks was okay.

The best lesson I have ever learned that it’s entirely possible to love someone and not like their choices or behavior.  I love my sisters deeply and so glad that they are now my very best friends.  I don’t necessarily agree with something they choose for themselves, but it’s their choice to make.  I can’t imagine going a day without at least sending a quick text or funny meme to them.

When Mike and I first married, I had imagined my relationships with my husband’s family to be quite different than they currently are.  I have personally struggled to find my place and my comfort with various members of Mike’s family.  But I have come to a place of acceptance that things are just going to be the way they are, and that’s okay.  At times I still find these relationships to be emotionally draining, but I can now get through a family event with a smile on my face and my dignity intact.

Relationships are funny that way.  How they can go from almost nonexistent or tumultuous to being good.

 

if we were besties :: 29 random facts about me

If you and I were besties...

...you would know that I'm the oldest of 4 children.  My parents had us all in four and a half years, so they were very, um, busy.

...you would know that my parents divorced when I was 13, but they co-parented expertly.  Seriously...If I was grounded at one house, I was grounded at the other.

...you would know that I got married when I was only twenty years old and our whole relationship before that was only 9 months.  We started dating, 3 months later we were engaged, and 6 months after that we were married.

...you would know that I always knew I would be a boy mom.  As a tom-boy growing up, I had few girlfriends and got a long way better with boys.  I figured it would be way easier to raise boys then girls.  Although now, I have softened to the idea of a girl.

...you would know that I work in Home Care & Hospice, and that I have found a passion in palliative care.

...you would know that my favorite place in the whole world is at a barn.  That I crave the smell of hay and horses.

...you would know that I hated my siblings growing up, but now I know that I would be lost without them.

...you would know the running joke in my family about throwing wooden spoons at each other, among other things.

...you would know that I have a passion for photography and have been developing my skills in hopes of maybe...just maybe turning it into a side business.

...you would know I've been pregnant 3 times, having a miscarriage in between my two boys.

...you would know I have a love/hate relationship with March.  I love it because it's the month my husband, mother, and nephew were born.  I hate it because its when baby #2 was due.

...you would know that I suffer from depression and generalized anxiety.

...you would know that I was born and raised in the LDS (Mormon) church.  It's where I feel like my soul sings.  I hope you have that place too.  Maybe it's in the Catholic faith or Lutheran, or maybe just being in nature is where you find your spiritual heaven...being around spiritual people makes me want to have closer relationship to God and Jesus Christ.

...you would know that I'm very much an introvert...I'm really okay with being by myself and at home.  I actively have to schedule down time to recharge my batteries.

...you would know that I love the library & bookstores.  I could spend hours browsing the shelves to find new authors.

...you would know that my boys are 6 years apart, it wasn't planned that way, just how it happened.

...you would know that I favorite time of year is Fall.  The weather.  The beauty.  I just love it.

...you would know that I have kind of an obsession with pens.

...you would know that my idea of a perfect day is curled up in bed with several good books and a large cup of tea.

...you would know that I was a cheerleader in high school...GO WILDCATS!

...you would know that I was engaged before I was engaged to my husband.  I kept having panic attacks while planning that wedding.  I knew that if I had that much anxiety while planning the wedding, that he wasn't who I was suppose to be with.

...you would know I have hard time letting things and people go.  I'm working on it though.

...you would know that I love all kinds crafts and because of that I've become a little addicted to pinterest.

...you would know that it annoys my husband that I keep either the tv or radio on for background noise.  While I'm okay with total silence when I'm reading, when I'm doing things around the house I need noise to keep going.

...you would know that I don't wear my wedding rings.  They tear through gloves and since my last pregnancy the skin on my ring finger has been so sensitive that my finger swells after wearing my rings for a few hours.

...you would know that my husband is ginormous...he's 6'9" and I'm only 5'2".  I always get a kick out the stares we get when we are out and about because of our height difference.

...you would know that although I still am very much a tom-boy, I love everything pink and sparkly.

...you would know that I have a birth mark on my right knee in the shape of a perfect circle and thought for years that everyone should have one like me.

...you would know that I'm a country girl at heart, and would drop everything to move out into the country and raise my boys out in the openness with a garden and all kinds of animals.

our marriage by the numbers.

{ us then }

9 years

108 months

3285 days

78840 hours

4730400 minutes

2 moves

2 cities

7 jobs (4 his, 3 mine)

3 pregnancies

2 boys

1 miscarriage

numerous injuries/illnesses

thousands of fights

millions of kisses

and I would do each and every moment again.

Happy Anniversary, Sweet Pea

(a day late...but who's counting?)

{ us now}

currently :: fall

Evan and Harper at Sever's Corn Maze and Fall Festival

Joining Jenna for her 'currently' linkup...a day late...oops

thinking about ::  Fall!  Besides it being the theme for this week's currently linkup, Today is the official start of Fall!  I love fall here in Minnesota, not only because it's my favorite time of year, but because of the beautiful leaves and nice weather.  This time of year used to be filled with long trail rides with my mom.  I absolutely miss her since she moved to Kansas and the countless hours spent in the saddle.

watching :: I've been impatiently waiting for the start of the Fall season of T.V. to return.  We watched the new season of Big Bang last night, and I'm counting down to Thursdays on ABC.  While I haven't been a huge Scandel fan (simply because I never really had time to watch it), I can't wait to see the whole Shonda Rhimes lineup!

thankful for ::  my sister.  We haven't always been on the best of terms, but I've decided that she's going to be a new best friend.  Simply because we really do need each other.  I need an awesome person in my life (which she is...I don't know anyone else who can rock purple hair), and she needs support since her husband is over seas working.  In fact we have a lunch date on Saturday and then going to a church event together.

enjoying ::  fall...because it's fall...

photographing ::  I have been eyeing some new lenses and offered to take my sister's maternity pictures since they can be a bit pricey and I hope at some point to make a go at being a lifestyle photographer in years to come.  So I have been pining ideas here and I would love to see any ideas you have!

loving ::  erin condren planners...while I am still waiting for my planner that I ordered a few weeks ago, I can't wait to get my hands on the life planner I ordered.  I'm hoping that it will help curb my type A personality and really get us organized!

What are you up to currently?

hopes & plans

After taking some time away from this blog (not really planned...but life happens), it's time to get back into the swing of things.  So to start off, I'm joining Amanda for her weekly blog linkup called "hopes & plans".

Alex in the corn at Sever's Corn Maze

Since it's been a few weeks, I'm just going to start with a fresh game plan...but here is what I hope to get accomplished this week...

one :: hair cuts for the boys :: Evan has school pictures at the end of the week and Alex's hair is out of control, so tomorrow afternoon, I'm going to see if I can get some appointments made to have their hair cut tomorrow, if not before Friday.

two :: purchase a jogging stroller ::  I have been waiting to buy one F.O.R.E.V.E.R. and it's time since I want to get serious about running.  I can't always fit in a run before I need to get the boys from daycare, and my little stroller isn't going to cut it.  I don't necessarily need a BOB jogging stroller (and I don't really want to spend a good $500 on a stroller either) but I need to find one that will last a while.

three :: run/walk 20 miles ::  Since I'm hoping to get into running...it's time to set goals...

four :: patch evan's jeans :: Evan is total boy, this means that he goes through the knees in his jeans quickly, and since I don't want to buy new jeans every other week, I need to patch them.  

five :: make it to JoAnn's :: I have a few DIY projects planned for this blog and for my home, but it means that I need to squeeze in a run to JoAnn's.  

six :: start the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University DVDs :: My father bought us the at home kit since trying to make it to a class was out of the question with our crazy schedule.  We are trying to get ourselves financially secure and to a place where we can buy our first (and hopefully forever) home in the next 5 years or less.

seven :: work on my 30 by 30 list ::  Next July I turn 30...eep!  and I really want to make this next year count.  I'm giving myself until Labor Day 2015 to finish the list...but first I need to make it!  Any ideas?

eight :: lose 3 pounds ::  One of the biggest things on my 30 by 30 list is to finally lose the baby weight and be in the best shape of my life by the time I turn 30.  While I'm not quite ready to completely lay out my weight loss plan, I do want to start it off by losing 3 pounds this week.

Wow!  It's quite the list, but it's a good list.  Here's hoping I can get it all done!  What are you up to this week?

currently

splashing in puddles is so much fun...especially when you are two!

Joining Jenna again for her weekly linkup 'Currently'...

Thinking ::  how quickly Summer went this year.  Mike started school last week, and we are still trying to figure out our new family schedule and Evan starts school tomorrow.  No longer will we have carefree evenings at home, it will be packed with homework, scouts, and other after school activities.  I'm not exactly sad that summer has ended since I love fall, but I will miss not having to be anywhere after work.

Reading ::  Just One Year by Gayle Forman.  I recently finished by If I Stay and Just One Day by the same author and have fallen in love with her writing style.  

Thankful for ::  my husband.  No matter how crazy I get my husband brings me back down.  Either with laughter or a quiet moment, he always has my back and has since day one, even when we can't stand each other.

Wanting :: a new planner.  Since our schedule seems to be all over the place it would be nice to have a place where I can organize it all.  

What have you been up to this past week?

currently

the boys...oh how I love them.

Joining Jenna from A Mama Collective for the first time for Currently :: a weekly linkup.

thinking about //  how quickly this summer went.  Evan starts school next week and Mike is currently doing homework for his classes that started today.  This week is packed with scout meetings, open houses, and other things that bring on the reality of fall.  I actually love fall, but here in Minnesota, fall quickly leads to winter and snow, and after last winter, I'm no where near ready for all of that.

listening to //  the piano guys station on pandora.  Even though the boys share a room, Alex still insists that either Mike or I stay in room until he falls asleep.  Since Mike isn't home most nights at bedtime, I'm normally the one of the floor and since I hate silence, I put on that station.  It's calming and the music they tend to play is instrumental music of popular songs.  The boys seem to fall asleep quicker with it on.

reading // If I Stay.  I love YA fiction and my sister and I plan on seeing the movie, but I have this weird obsession that I need to read the book a movie is based on before I see it.  So I'm trying to finish it quickly so we can go in the next week or so.

thankful for // my dad.  We haven't always been on the best of terms, but I'm glad that as I've gotten older, we've grown closer.  He recently bought us the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University home kit so Mike and I can start working on paying off our budget and buy our first (and hopefully forever) home by the time we are 35.

photographing // i pretty much took all of last week off from everything, but it's time to pull out my grown up camera and start playing around.  I've been pinning a lot of ideas for lifestyle photography and I'm inspired.  I love the idea of catching the small things that are a part of our everyday life...now if only I can get the boys to participate...

accident prone

A year ago, Alex had a double ear infection and Mike was still fresh from his seizure like episodes.  Mike and Alex were playing in the living room and all I heard was a loud crash and then immediate screaming.  Alex had been running, slipped and cracked his skull against the corner of our chaise lounge.  At first I hesitated to bring him into the emergency room since he wasn't showing any signs of a concussion, nor had he passed out after hitting his head.

But then my 'mommy' gut told me that we needed to get him checked out.  So we piled in the car and went.  I figured we would get the patted on the head like we were first time parents and sent on our way, but after being in observation for 20 minutes, Alex began getting lethargic and vomited. A CT was ordered, and we found out that Alex had a hairline skull fracture and a minor concussion.  Since the hospital we were at couldn't keep us overnight for observation, we were sent to the University of Minnesota Children's via ambulance.

After a long night, and an even longer day since the doctors wanted to make absolutely sure that his fever did not have another cause than the double ear infection, we were sent home.  Alex had no other complications, nor did we have to do any follow up for it.  In any case the nurses warned us that this was probably only the start to a childhood full of stitches and broken bones.

Fast forward to this past Tuesday, how right they were.  I was finishing with a client, when my work cell phone went off.  I instantly recognized the number of the daycare.  I figured that Alex or Evan was sick, but I was wrong.  Some how, while playing outside, Alex tripped over a car he was pushing around, and fell onto his chin.  The gash had yet to stop bleeding and they needed either my husband or I to come and see if we needed to take him in.

I sent Mike since only I had two quick visits to do, although maybe I should have just cancelled the rest of my day and gotten him myself since I was constantly on the phone with Mike to see if Alex needed to go in or not.  Mike took Alex to his sister's since she was a pediatric nurse, and wanted her opinion before taking Alex in.  After a quick visit, it was decided that it was better to take him in.

Luckily I was able to get to the hospital just a little after they were taken back to be there while they cleaned the gash and then put the stitches in.  Alex seemed more mad about it taking four of us to hold him still enough for the doctor to put in the stitches, and actually getting them.  He's been pretty good about leaving them alone and on Monday we go in to have them removed.  I can only hope that since there was a year in between the skull fracture/concussion and the stitches, that he will at least space his next big accident out to next August.

hopes & plans :: vol 3

So it's been a few weeks since I joined Amanda for hopes & plans, so it's time to catch up on my list from two weeks ago and get back into the swing of things...

Two weeks ago...

:: one :: get all the baby stuff to my sister's - since I don't work this weekend and have no real plans for other activities, this really needs to happen.  While the bins are still sitting at our home because of conflicting schedules, everything is organized and ready to go so I count that as a win.

:: two :: go on a walk every day - this is part of myself care plan...to take some time to get out in nature and just soak it in.  As well as to help get me back into the swing of things for working out and losing weight.  I did walk everyday the first week, last week I didn't do so well, but I set a monthly goal for August to walk 100 miles, so for the past few days, I've been doing well.  But I do need to find another route since the one I currently walk is only 2 miles and I need to walk a little over 3 to reach my goal.

:: three :: deep clean the master bedroom - this is my 'big' project for Friday night while Mike is working late and the boys are sleeping.  Still need to deep clean the closet, but otherwise done!

:: four ::  getting Mike's medications in order - until about a week ago Mike's medications were working, but this past weekend they have suddenly stopped for whatever reason.  This could mean a few things, but it means checking in with his primary for new medications and seeking out another psychiatrist to make sure the medications will actually work for him.  After an emergency room visit for rescue medication and a big adjustment to his medications, Mike is doing okay.  He's having a few side effects from his new medication, but they are manageable.

This week...

:: one :: Walk/Jog 24.5 miles :: since making the goal of 100 miles in the month of August, I need to complete 24.5 miles to stay on track for my goal.  

:: two ::  Write my de-junking list :: In two weeks I'm taking a week off from work since Alex has a day of urology appointments and it's just easier to take the week off.  While one day I'll do 'nothing', I plan on spending a great deal of time de-junking our small apartment before really making this place feel like home.

:: three :: Budget, Budget, Budget ::  Since Mike is feeling better, we are going to sit down tonight or Wednesday and really look at our finances and budget so we can have a healthy savings account, get out of debt, and work on buying a home in 5 years or less.

:: four ::  Finish blog design  ::  I spent the weekend working on my blog's design and while I'm mostly happy with it, there are still somethings I want to add and change around.  Like flushing out my pages and adding Disqus...if you have any tips or suggestions, I would love them!

:: five ::  Bring my Nikon everywhere (but work) ::  I really want to learn to use my big camera off of auto and while I plan on taking a class at some point, I figure until then the best way to really learn how to use it is just to play with it.  And the easiest way is to just have it with me at all times.

So what are your plans for the week?  And seriously any tips with blog design I would love them!

currently :: volume 3

hibiscus flower @ MN Zoo

I have felt like this week rushed right by.  With our shower needing to be replaced and Ellie's Light event, I'm hoping this next week will be more restful...but since the littlest has now spiked a fever I guess we'll see!

But CURRENTLY ::

:: READING ::  Because we've been so busy, I haven't had much time for reading, but I'll have to stop at the library this afternoon to pick up The Selection by Kiera Cass.  

:: WRITING ::  My "de-junking" list.  In two weeks, I'm taking a week off.  While I plan on having at least one day to do nothing, I plan on spending a good portion of the week completely de-junking our small apartment to start making this place feel like a home.

:: LISTENING :: Come with me now by KONGOS..can't get it out of my head...

:: THINKING :: It's time to take a hard look at our finances and set a livable budget...we've spent a little too much time flying by the seat of our pants and it's gotten us no where.  I've read a lot of Dave Ramsey and his baby steps.  I'm hoping that I can get Mike on board!

:: SMELLING ::  Homemade bread...inspired by one of my home care clients making homemade bread, I figured since it had been a while, I would make some too.  

:: WISHING ::  Alex will only be sick for one day...He spiked a fever last night and the doctor this morning thought maybe it was just a virus.  But if his fever continues for a few days, they want us to come back in for more testing to see if it's a possible UTI because of the extra fluid in his kidney.

:: HOPING ::  For a long nap!  Alex decided that he needed to wake up at 3 am this morning...it's really a good thing that he's cute!

:: WEARING :: workout clothes...in hopes that I'll take it as a hint and go for my walk.

:: LOVING :: all the sun we've been having...although I would love

:: WANTING :: a jogging stroller.  I have yet to find one that I like, but we're looking into getting a bike trailer that will also double as a jogging stroller that Evan would also fit into.  He's been biking while I walk, but I'm assuming when we start going to longer walks/jogs, he'll want a ride instead.

:: NEEDING :: a massage...maybe on my week off...

:: FEELING :: tired...seriously, I need a nap.

What have you been up to lately?

goals for august

A new month.  It always feels like a fresh start.  Full of possibilities and new beginnings.  

I recently been trying to take back my life and I'm hoping that by setting goals, I'll feel accomplished come the end of the month.

:: 1 :: Walk/Run a 100 miles ::  Before my thirtieth birthday next year, I desperately want to lose most of the baby weight and be the healthiest I've been in 10+ years.  I see the first 100 miles as a start.  I've already walked 2.2 miles today with the boys and since it went well, I can't use the boys as an excuse to not get out side and move.

:: 2 :: Fill my SD card ::  After finally getting the camera I had been drooling over for years, I haven't really played with it much.  I really want to learn how to take it off auto and feel like a 'real' photographer because I'll know how to actually operate my camera.

:: 3 :: Go on a date with the Hubby ::  Mike and I often don't put our marriage first.  We spend way too much time running around for work and making sure our home life is in order.  Having the time to focus on each other and only each other without little ones underfoot, it help grow and strengthen our marriage to what we want it to be.

:: 4 :: Daily Scripture study ::  Another one of my goals is to read all the standard works before turning thirty.  For the LDS faith this includes the old testament, new testament, book of Mormon, and D&C.  Its going to be hard to get in the habit of reading scripture on a daily basis, but I want a deeper connection with my faith and my Heavenly Father.

:: 5 ::  Implement schedule for the school year ::  With Mike starting school at the end of the month and Evan starting second grade on September 2nd, I feel like I need to get our lives a bit structured before the chaos that comes with the school year starts.  

What are your goals for August?

tremors and ativan

A year ago I found myself explaining to my husband who I was.  Completely spent from having continual pseudo-seizures and snowed from countless medications to stop the convulsions, my strong, funny, endearing husband had no idea that we were married and had two little boys.  His mind had reset to a ‘happier’ time where he was sure of himself and where we stood.

The past few years had been rough on our marriage.  The death of our niece and the subsequent falling out with his sister over our pregnancy before miscarrying left both us unable to verbalize all our pain.  Our marriage began to crumble and continued to do so since neither of us were brave enough to say what we were really thinking.

Eventually like all things, it came to a head.  While we were deciding what our next steps would be, Mike developed seizure-like episodes.  He spent 5 days in two different hospitals before it was decided that Mike had developed pseudo-seizures from extreme stress and anxiety.  It began our adventure in to doctor appointments, therapy, medication checks and rechecks, and meeting with psychologists.

Through the year, Mike’s pseudo-seizures have not recurred, but has left him with tremors when extremely agitated and stressed.  Most people just passing by wouldn’t even notice the slight shaking of his leg or a tremor to his hand.  But I do. 

This past month has felt like I was back in that hospital looking out at the river, questioning myself and the doctors what the best steps would be for Mike’s care.  His medication was no longer effective, and the tremors had been getting stronger.  Calling to schedule appointments to have his medications readjusted felt like I was bashing my head against the wall.  The nurses were unhelpful, and that’s being nice.

Eventually we ended up in the same emergency room where Mike had been the year before.  Thankfully the doctor who saw Mike was able to prescribe a rescue medication to help.  The instant the medication kicked in I could see the relief in his tense body.  I was able to breath for the moment.  After a week or so Mike met with his doctor and his medications adjusted.  Currently Mike is dealing with some of the side effects to the medication, his anxiety is lower, and his tremors, while still present aren’t nearly as strong.

While this has been exhausting for both of us, I feel like our marriage is stronger than it’s ever been.  We’ve been making slow steps in relearning how to communicate better with each other, and what we both need to feel loved in our marriage.  

instafriday :: vol 1

Do you instagram?

I do!  I love it.  You can follow me @emilyacarver 

and I would love to follow you too!  

Just let me know where to find you!

Here's our life via instagram this week...

Since Mike had been requested to work extra hours for a special event at work, I met up with my middle sister, Maggi and my nephew Harper at the MN Zoo.  I love that we have a membership and live only 15 minutes from the zoo!

FUN FACT ::  I actually went to high school at the MN Zoo at a school called the School of Environmental Studies...it was awesome!

This is Harper...he's hilarious.  Seriously had me laughing during our entire trip to the zoo.  I'll have to do a post on all the "Harperisms" I've heard.

So Evan decided that an hour before bedtime he wanted me to do his hair...it's super long even for him and love that he actually wanted me to play with his hair.  Sorry as a boy mom...I almost never get the chance to play and style hair since the boys have no patience for it!

What have you been up to this week?

hopes & plans :: vol 2

I'm once again joining Amanda for her weekly linkup for hopes and plans for the week...

Last week...

:: one :: really enjoy my birthday - while things didn't really happen the way I had intended, I really did have a pretty good birthday.  Maybe one of the best I have had in years.

:: two ::  set up a plan for self-care - sort of...I made an appointment to see my doctor about being referred to a therapist who can really help me flush out a plan and keep me accountable...so hopefully by the end of august I'll have a concrete plan.

:: three :: set goals for the next six months with the hubby - on hold for now :: Mike and I had a date to sit down and talk but Mike had a relapse with his tremors for his anxiety.  Until we can get his medication back under control and get him back to "normal" (I use that term loosely) we won't really be able to sit down and figure it out. 

:: four :: get all the baby stuff to my sister's - nope...since Mike's relapse a lot of the things we had planned for the weekend including this meant it got put on the back burner...but this week...I promise.

This week...

:: one :: get all the baby stuff to my sister's - since I don't work this weekend and have no real plans for other activities, this really needs to happen.

:: two :: go on a walk every day - this is part of myself care plan...to take some time to get out in nature and just soak it in.  As well as to help get me back into the swing of things for working out and losing weight.

:: three :: deep clean the master bedroom - this is my 'big' project for Friday night while Mike is working late and the boys are sleeping.

:: four ::  getting Mike's medications in order - until about a week ago Mike's medications were working, but this past weekend they have suddenly stopped for whatever reason.  This could mean a few things, but it means checking in with his primary for new medications and seeking out another psychiatrist to make sure the medications will actually work for him.

What are you up to this week?

where i needed to be

{ sleeping toddler }

This weekend has been a long one.  I worked when I normally don't.  Met my youngest sister for a late lunch.  Mike's phone decided to die and meant we spent an evening with getting it repaired.  Met up with the sister in law so the cousins could play.  Then sat through the worse sacrament meeting I have ever sat through in my life.

The boys were bouncing off the walls.  Hitting each other, throwing things, and being utterly disruptive as much as possible.  I was absolutely ready to through in the towel when I tried to drop off Alex in nursery and he exploded into tears.  After spending an hour trying to control the uncontrollable, I had been looking forward to attending Sunday school and hearing some sort of spiritual message.  But that was not the plan.

Alex eventually calmed down and fell asleep in my arms and I moved into the mother's lounge to sit in a more comfortable chair while holding my sleeping sweat ball of a toddler.  Initially I was angry.  Angry that I was sitting there after weeks of not attending church because of the boys being sick for one reason or another and instead of getting the spiritual food I desperately needed, I was stuck a small room with a sleeping toddler.

I know that I could have tried to sneak into Sunday school class and catch something, but holding Alex in my arms and rocking him, I felt peace.  THIS was where I needed to be today.  In a small room, holding this baby while he slept.  I may not have heard any of the spiritual messages I craved today, but I was reminded that before too long I won't be able to rock with a sleeping baby on my lap.  These days are numbered and I need to treasure them before they are all gone.

currently :: vol 2

{ butterfly garden at the MN Zoo }

This week I turned 29.  My birthday was quiet but I wouldn't change it.  Next year since both Mike and I turn 30, we plan on going sky diving to "scream" in our thirties.  Otherwise this week has been busy, but next week things will return to normal for a little bit.

But here's what I've been up to currently...

READING ::  this week I finished Linger by Maggie Stiefvater and Royally Lost by Angie Stanton.  I'm about half way through City of Bones by Cassandra Clare.  

WRITING :: my 30 by 30 list.  I plan on writing a post about it this week, but I'm trying to finalize all the things I hope to do before I turn the big 3-0 in a year.

LISTENING :: i went to go see TFIOS on my birthday and now I can't get the main theme out of my head.

THINKING ::  it's been a long weekend I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow...which is a little sad but at least I know what I'm getting into when I'm seeing my clients.

SMELLING ::  lavender...Mike hasn't been sleeping well, so I'm hoping by putting coconut oil and some lavender in our scentsy, that it will help.

HOPING :: for some calmness this week.  I'm sure that with us getting back to our normal schedule for the next few weeks, things will fall into place.

WISHING :: for beautiful weather this week.  The boys really need to expend all the energy they have by running around outside as much as possible, but it's difficult when it's raining or so humid you feel like you are walking through clouds.

WEARING :: jammies...because it's that kind of day...

LOVING :: this quote...

source

WANTING :: this.  I really want to get into running.  Evan is old enough to ride his bike but our little stroller that would carry Alex can't handle running on trails when I finally work up to them.  While it may not be this exact one.  I really am looking into investing in to a good jogging stroller.

NEEDING :: a good massage.  hopefully soon...

FEELING :: slightly optimistic about this last year in my twenties.  I need it to be a good one.

CLINKING :: every sunday

hopes & plans :: vol 1

This is my first time joining Amanda @ Marry Mint and her weekly link up ::  Hopes & Plans.  A weekly goal-oriented post about the things you want to accomplish this week, month, etc.

This week my goals are ::

:: one :: really enjoy my birthday - past years I've relied to heavily on others to make my birthday fantastic, instead I'm going to just deal if my home is a mess and just do whatever it is I want to do that day even if that means staying in bed with a cup of tea and a good book.

:: two ::  set up a plan for self-care - I spend a majority of my day helping others or putting their needs in front of mine.  This has left me drained and barely able to function most evenings.  So I hope by putting a plan in place I can become more functional and happy with my life.

:: three :: set goals for the next six months with the hubby - a lot of the times Mike and I aren't on the same page.  We've been talking about a few things we hope to accomplish by the end of this year, but I think we need to really sit down and make a plan for how to accomplish our goals.

:: four :: get all the baby stuff to my sister's - Now that Alex is officially out of the baby stage and my sister is actively trying for her second child, it's time to get rid of the baby stuff so we have more room and she has want she needs when her second comes along.

currently :: vol 1

{ cousins at the parade }

First off, WELCOME!  I used to blog over at Dear Littles and since I'm turning 29 on Wednesday, I realized that I needed to move on to something different.  I had been going back and forth about a new blog and finally pulled the trigger.  This week will be full of me playing around with the design and layout - so bear with me.

This past week was full of sick boys.  Both with high fevers and had UAs done but we have yet to hear anything.  But both are back to their normal selves - so I'll take that as a win.  But luckily we were able to go to the 4th of July parade in Eagan along with all of Mike's family and later we went to fireworks in Apple Valley with my sister and nephew.  It was a blast and we are still recovering...but here's what I've been up.

CURRENTLY

READING :: I finished Cress by Marissa Meyer and have been working on both Linger by Maggie Stiefvater & The perks of being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.  I'm hoping to finish them before Wednesday but if not that's okay since I'll probably send most of my birthday in bed reading.

WRITING :: Since I decided to start a new blog - I have started writing the new pages but I figure I will spend sometime tweaking them.  As well as really taking a look at my 30 by 30 list and revamping that as well.

LISTENING ::  To Futurama on Comedy Central - simply because my husband just spent the past two hours mowing my sister's lawn while her husband is away for work in Afghanistan.  I figure I owe him some tv time.

THINKING :: Of all the things I need to get done tomorrow and Tuesday so I can just sit back and relax on Wednesday.  I've already told my husband that after I drop the boys off, I plan on turning off my phone (or just putting it on silent) and spend the day however I choose.

SMELLING :: Cleaning chemicals...from all the cleaning and scrubbing that was for naught. 

HOPING :: My boys sleep tonight.  Since they were sick, the boys didn't really sleep this week.  They have some what gotten back to their normal schedules but it would be awesome if I could sleep until I really have to get up...

WISHING :: I knew web design better.  All the tutorials on pinterest are awesome, but it seems to take forever to find the ones I really need or the ones that actually work.

WEARING ::  cleaning clothes...ick.

LOVING :: That I am now only working every fourth weekend.  This means that I won't have to work a weekend until the end of the month which means we can go to the farmer's market next weekend and maybe even the MN Zoo.

WANTING :: fresh pens and a new journal...simply because mine is a little ragged and a new journal with fresh pages is full of possibilities.

NEEDING:: A housekeeper.  I spent the day cleaning our home and I still didn't get all the cleaning done that I had hoped to.  I feel like as soon as I get things clean - the tornadoes that are all of my boys (yes, even the biggest) destroy our home in record speed.

FEELING :: Hopeful.  With my birthday in 3 days, I'm hopeful that my last year in my twenties will really bring me new things...

What you been up to?