Thanksgiving week, my mom made the 9 hour journey from
Wichita, KS to St. Paul, MN to spend the holiday with her 3 daughters, son
in-law, and 3 grandsons. It had been 18
months since I personally had seen my mom and it was good to able to hug
her. I still had to work that whole week
since I didn’t know she was coming up until it was impossible to request the
time off.
But we found a time Wednesday night before Thanksgiving to
spend the evening eating juicy bacon cheese burgers and drinking house-made
ginger ale and discuss everything about life.
We talked about the usual things you talk about when you catch up, but
quickly our conversation led to relationships.
Over the past 2 years, my marriage had been struggling, my relationships
with my sisters left something to be desired, and I barely got along with my
husband’s family long enough to get through a meal without becoming physically
exhausted.
But how things have changed in most aspects in the past
year.
My marriage is steady and strong. We’ve finally ready to come out of survival
mode, and start thriving. Instead of
just trying to figure out how to get through the day after his mental break, we
are able to plan for moving to a new home come summer and faintly discuss more
babies in the next few years.
I had long ago learned that my parents are just people, with
their own lives and needs. That holding
onto my expectations of what I thought they should be, would only hurt my heart. Since letting those go, I have realized that
I am not loved any less by them because I don’t speak or see them daily, and
speaking with them every few weeks was okay.
The best lesson I have ever learned that it’s entirely possible
to love someone and not like their choices or behavior. I love my sisters deeply and so glad that
they are now my very best friends. I don’t
necessarily agree with something they choose for themselves, but it’s their
choice to make. I can’t imagine going a
day without at least sending a quick text or funny meme to them.
When Mike and I first married, I had imagined my
relationships with my husband’s family to be quite different than they
currently are. I have personally
struggled to find my place and my comfort with various members of Mike’s
family. But I have come to a place of
acceptance that things are just going to be the way they are, and that’s
okay. At times I still find these
relationships to be emotionally draining, but I can now get through a family
event with a smile on my face and my dignity intact.
Relationships are funny that way. How they can go from almost nonexistent or tumultuous to being good.
