I often don't talk about Alex's diagnosis with ADHD. People hear ADHD and opinions start flowing. Opinions if ADHD is even real. Opinions on it's just a phase. Opinions on he's too young to have that diagnosis. Opinions on medications, therapies, and if I was just a better parent we wouldn't be here. However, today, my heart hurts too much not talk about the struggles and the reality we live in with Alex's diagnosis.
Alex has always been my wild child. Loves hard, and plays even harder. Every emotion was (and still is) a huge emotion. There was and still no middle ground. Many days and nights before his diagnosis, I would pray how I could be a better parent. I would spend countless nights crying to Mike that if only I loved him harder, spent more time with him, our issues would just go away.
Last spring it was made abundantly clear I no longer had any idea how to help Alex. I didn't have the tool set to deal with the tantrums that would last hours, the impulsiveness, the inflexibility, or the intensity. All of it was starting to harm his self-esteem as well. After a couple of doctor appointments with our pediatrician we came out with his fresh diagnosis and referrals to behavioral therapy and occupational therapy. A few weeks in we added physical therapy to our therapy appointments. In December we officially received an IEP for him through the school district, and now attends a preschool at the community center with a special education teacher.
I have learned so much from reading book after book, meetings with therapists and special education teachers. If nothing else it's helped me understand my husband who also shares the diagnosis. Alex senses the world more intensely and quicker than most people. He has difficulty with the sides of his brain working together, as well as the mechanism that tells you where you are in the world, doesn't work well for him. He easily becomes obsessed with thoughts and has the inflexibility to not let it go until it has been resolved (which can be days or weeks away). He does best on strict schedules with no deviation, anything new or different can make the next few days hell.
We have seen small improvements since starting all of this. We've gone from just having a good day to having a good week or two. Then it comes crashing down and I have no idea which way is up.
Alex is currently having a bad week. The tantrums over anything and everything start from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed. From the frustration, he bites and picks at his skin. He doesn't quite know how to communicate what he needs, so it becomes a guessing game. I often find I'm choosing wrong. My heart aches for him, because at times, I can do nothing but ride it out with him.
It was recommended that we move forward on considering medications and seeing a developmental psychiatrist. If only to rule out other issues and to find what will help him best. I had hoped we were years away from this step, but this where we are now. It has been extremely difficult to share this side of our lives. Those who walk the same path understand and empathize. Those who don't often spout of opinions with no thought of how hurtful they can be.
Alex's ADHD will be a live long issue. It will look different next year and the year after, and the year after. Our hope is that we can find ways to help him build the tools he needs to be successful in life, whatever that looks like for him.
